Friday, October 31, 2008

Gone Away

Death teaches us a lot about life. It shows us how various elements that came together to form someone....disperse when their time has come. When a human being witnesses this phenomenon of disintegration....dissipation....dissolution...then life adopts a whole new meaning. Like the quote in my school's Biology book..."Nothing lives forever, but life goes on"...and so do the memories...even after you have....Gone Away.

This is one piece of writing I hold very close to my heart.

I remember the moments,
That came and went.
You cuddled me,
Made me laugh, made me cry
You sat on your rocking chair, with me in your lap,
Waiting for the jingle of icecream man

I caught toads, played with the fireflies,
Under your presence, your watchfull eye
You watched me grow, you watched me learn,
You wished me luck, that I would become someone.
Now that you are gone,
Things will be different.
But I will always feel your presence,
Up above, watching me forever

I know that you will smile,
And look down upon me,
Whisper in my dreams,
The nickname you gave me
All I can do is pass on your memories,
For the ones who haven't witnessed your glory
I wish for an everlasting smile, on your lovely face,
May you be happy, wherever be your place.

Rest Amongst Peace

Thursday, October 23, 2008


As we grow into adulthood, we seem to leave behind some part of us. A part of us that showed our weakness to the world...a part that completed us. At times it made us feel stupid....stupid yet human.

Why is it so hard to cry now?
Even when there are so many fears
Even when there are so many tears
They float in these eyes
Waiting for the time when they will break free
Held back by invisible chains
Not knowing how to show pain

Why is it so hard to cry now?
Its been so long since these lips tasted salty tears
Its like these eyes have forgotten
What it felt like to break lose
The feeling of letting it all out
The feeling of not caring about anything
Pushing it all out, one tear at a time

Can't remember when i felt like a child
Crying and crying without caring
No one to judge these swollen eyes
No one to say that I am foolish to cry
Someone always there to take the pain away
Hold my hand and show me the way
Why is it so hard to cry now?

I thought I was changing for the better
The former was weak, they all liked the latter
They told me I was getting strong
But didn't realize that something was wrong
I killed a part of me with my own hands
Uncertain of what I have now become
Flesh and bones, but a heart gone numb
Don't know if I can get it back, I don't know how
'Cause it's so hard to cry now...
So hard to cry now...

Originating Sin

Questions plague my mind on this cold night...questions of man and his actions...questions of man and his desires. Why does man commit sin? Is he compelled…or does he choose? Why don’t all men follow the same path of righteousness…wisdom and all that is good and pure? Why are some attracted by the darkness? They find acquaintance in sinister methods of living. “Evil” is what they are often called…condemned as the worshippers of the devil….hunted…burnt…executed. Are they just misunderstood…or do we fear them because their ways are antagonistic to ours...or are they breaking some unspoken universal law that forbids one from doing what is wrong? In this world of freedom of action, is every soul free to choose its own path? Is it so wrong to choose to walk in the shadows then? Is it not this ‘evil’ that gives meaning to God…just like the darkness gives meaning to the light? One is incomplete without the other…the flame cannot burn without the fuel. Evil is just… the other half of the equation.

Life cannot be a single state of movement. It must deviate…fluctuate…wander in the unknown in order to proceed ahead. Evolution is based on errors…it’s based on chance…it’s based on the pioneer that walks adrift from the rest of the crowd. Sometimes these pioneers lose their way and dissolve…while some bring a new way of life. If evolution ceases, then life becomes just a stagnant pool of DNA. So, every step that man takes to move ahead in time, there arise two parts of his character. Every action of his has two results. One which is pure and righteous…and the other… sinful and evil. These two coexist…in a constant struggle against each other. Each defined by its principles and characteristics. Often a man of one side wanders into the other in search for an answer…a solution…or just to feel complete.

Wiping out one half of the equation will only lead to unbalance. Evil cannot be removed from this world…for it is not a disease. It is a way of thinking…a way of doing things…it’s a choice, sometimes taken…sometimes forced. As long as man exists and as long as the choice exists…so shall evil. Suppose we do wipe out evil. A clean sweep…the savior descends and removes all evil from this world. The world would be cleansed…pure…white, but are we strong enough to preserve this change? I don’t think so. Man is not a perfect animal…and no two people are the same. The differences…the incompetence of one man in comparison to his brother would compel him to drift apart. He will do what he can and what he must in order to survive…regardless of it being immoral or not…regardless of it being good or evil.

As conscious objects we are aware of our place in this matrix of life. We are taught from birth the difference between wrong and right…between evil and good. The “villain” always dies…the protagonists live happily ever after. We have arrived to where we are because of our desires. The “Big Bang” happened at the desire of the universe to move from nothing to something. But in our law bound world…sometimes our desires aren’t within our reach. We then come to a fork in our path. We may choose to abandon desire and move on like we were…or we may choose to abandon our morals and break our restraints…and reach out and snatch what we desired…that which was not within our reach a moment ago. At this moment…we change. Life is a constant struggle as we fluctuate between doing nothing… doing the right thing…and committing a sin. Unfortunately, sometimes the right thing itself becomes the sin.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Rape of Mankind

Fucking bastards! Animals! Disgusting Filth! I am pissed and I ain’t gonna decorate it! I don’t think I have words which describe my feelings as I read this article in the Times of India, dated Friday October 17, 2008. “Dalit woman gangraped twice in a week”, in the bottom left of the 7th page. A 29 year old woman was raped throughout the night in a Rajasthan village by two men when she was returning from a village ‘mela’. When she complained to the police, the two men arrived at the farm she was working and raped her again…in front of her father-in-law...the second gangrape was to “teach her a lesson”! If I ever was to get hold of those men…I would teach THEM a fucking lesson. I swear to God…I don’t know what I might do, but whatever it will be…it isn’t going to be pretty. But here I sit…helpless…pouring the venom into these words. The only fitting punishment I can think of is to cut their penises off. Take away their weapon because these men definitely don’t know how to handle it. They don’t deserve to have what they cannot control. Let them feel the humiliation and pain of your dignity being snatched away...or the helplessness of watching your daughter being raped in front of your eyes…yet not being able to do nothing. These men….pathetic. A disgrace!

The “Indian Man” is a disgustingly weak creature…and he proves himself yet again! We’ve been doing this for ever. Raping …looting…plundering…using our penis as a weapon against women…and even men. We raped a school full of Muslim girls when the partition fire was raging decades ago...just to use an example in my head. I can't even list down the millions of others…regardless of religion or race. I hate…I repeat…I HATE people who cannot control their little penises! How fucking lame do you have to be to go around raping women in order to FEEL like a man. It’s more unfortunate that the status of the woman makes her matters worse. Though being a rich and educated woman would have made no difference to the culprits. It mite have even made the "prey" more desirable. WHEN WILL THIS COUNTRY WAKE UP? Emerging India? Revolutionary India? A growing economy?...BULLSHIT! We are no different than what we were hundreds of years ago…barbaric-half brained-eating-shitting-reproducing animals! This society refuses to get rid of this caste system termite that’s been eating away at the backbone of this county for centuries. The tragedy lies in the fact that the caste system isn’t an object! It’s a way of living that cannot be taken away from the people in the rural parts…for they themselves accept it…and implement it! The only way to get rid of this disease is to enforce the law…by our so called “police” that works in these rural areas! Oh, the tragedy of tragedies!

More so, I’m angrier at the parents who breed such animals…and then fail to give them a fucking sense of morality. If any progeny of mine was to ever commit this act…I would kill it rite then! I would feel disgusted to even be linked to that THING. We all have a duty towards our progeny…to protect and nurture...but a greater duty towards mankind! We were human first…and then a parent! I feel angrier at the people in that village who sheltered those men…and forced that woman to leave the village because of that incident! What was her fault? I am also angry at the damn newspaper…who printed this news in the little corner of page seven. IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ON THE FRONT FUCKING PAGE! Let this proud nation see what its illiterate youth is doing in its spare time!

But I guess the biggest tragedy lies in the fact that this is not a localized incident! How many incidents of such kind have popped up in the newspaper in the last year itself? Ranging from “woman raped”….”woman gangraped”…”woman held captive and raped”…”teenager raped”…”9 year old girl raped”…”3 year boy molested”….to the worst one…”Father keeps daughter captive in basement for 17 years, rapes her and even gives birth to progeny”. DIE YOU ASSHOLE! I feel disgusted to even think about these incidents!

"Man"…the civilized animal?…the conscious animal?…the moral animal? I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO!

"Man"…The uncivilized animal…the basic-instinct-driven animal…the immoral animal…the “uncontrollable animal”! FUCK! Even animals don’t rape each another. When was the last time that The National Geographic Channel or Discovery Channel show a monkey rape another monkey??...NEVER!!! I don’t give a shit if you think this opinion of mine is sexist…or biased…and that men aren’t the only ones who commit these crimes. If you are not like these men…then I am glad for you! I shiver at the thought that this was one case that came into the light and that thousands of others don't. The people are violated and then sielenced!

And then there is that little joke..."God gave man brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one thing at at time". We are so pitiful...trying to blame it all on God and the way he made us. Its in our instinct we claim...part of our nature...we just can't control it! All these excuses...I have THREE words for this kind of thinking.... BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!

I do not know everything...and who am i to decide whom to punish and how. But i damn well hope the authorities...or someone...anyone...with the power to bring justice would do so.

Oh dear this moment of anger...I comfort myself to believe that this was all your doing...and that what happened to that woman was her punishment for whatever sin she may have committed. Yet my soul aches...and from the bottom of my heart...I just wish for one thing only. If what happened was completely due to the black hearts of those men...then please oh please... hold these men responsible for their actions...and make them suffer for their whatever form you see right! Amen!

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Is this all.....that you can give to me?
Is this all.....that brings my knees to the earth...
This song....that you sing...
Takes me to a place...
Where I miss you all....
For the songs you sing...
For the hearts it breaks....
...its numb...

Can i give it all.....away to the ones I need
Can i give it all.....take what can use
This heart...will never be complete...
It the sound of empty streets...
For i miss you all....
When i have gone...
To the place where...
...its numb...

After dark.......after dark......after dark....
The turns to me...
After dark......
I wish you could see....

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The last second probably the one phenomenon that intrigues me the most....maybe even more then life itself. So many forms, so many faces, so many ways...ONE result...Peace. At least that's what i think is at the end. Undisturbed silence. The one thing that man desires throughout his horrible and painstaking life...he get by giving up life itself. But its not the aftermath of death that draws thoughts from my head...No! Its mans' preparation to meet the inevitable that interests me.

Man is a funny creature. He never reacts to the same stimuli in the same manner....and the probability of approaching doom can be a very strong stimulus indeed. Some run for cover, in an
attempt to hide. As if death was a tall man in a black robe...playing hide and seek! Some turn to God in those last moments...trying to wash away the cumulative sins of many a years. I wonder if it even works. Its a bit odd to see these men chanting a name in their last moments...following the same principles that they ignored and violated in full consciousness. But the Gita does say, "Those who focus their mind on Me in their last breath, attain Me after death" sounds so easy doesn't it? Too easy!

The ones that interest me the most are the ones that and fade away...and the ones that come to life at the moment of death. There is nothing weaker than a devastated man begging for one more extra second of life. Pitiful...scared and pitiful. The ones that come to life...oh...these are the ones that scream "to live again before death". Like the flame flickers brightest before it blows out...these are the souls that seem to live fulfill all their desires in what insignificant time that remains. These are ones who show the real meaning of life.

I shall not be the one who decays in his white...sanitary a clean hospital...watching his heart speak slowly in pulses and waves on a flickering monitor. I shall not be the one who dies waiting for his timer to tick down. My head shall not fall limp when the stopwatch...stops. As stupid as it may sound...but i plan to live long....grow old...and then die bungee jumping...or sky diving. To feel FREE once again. Who knows what happens after i might as well live that little moment completely. Like they say..."i rather burn out...than fade away".
A shitty day....a shitty day. I just found out that a friend of mine has blood cancer. The reports are in...but no one has dared to tell her yet. I wonder what will go on in her head when she does find out....i only wonder. A shitty day...a shitty day indeed. This one is for her....get well soon!

A Dream I had dreamed for so long,
Without knowing that i was dreaming
Of fairy tales and dragons and twinkling stars,
Of perfect love and movie stars
It had felt so right, it had felt so true,
I was there...and so were you
The darkness was more soothing than the light,
I slept and slept...right through the night
There was nothing else i wanted to do,
But how was i to know that i was asleep
Floating in deep for me
Woken up by a message so cold
"Be brave" they said...."Be bold"
Crashing down upon me now, word by word....sound by sound
I woke up and realized, the thoughts in my head just wouldn't materialize
What was true and what was not
You' re the only answer that I've got
So help me please to understand, this is happening all to fast
The rain is falling on me now, pouring down...its pouring down
I am awake... but a little lost
I fail to understand...have i gained everything....or have i lost?
Whatever remains of this paralyzed time
Answers are what i must find....
What i must find...

Fairytale talk

By popular it is...

raupunzel...raupunzel...let down ur hair...growing which u took so much care. Garnier and Sun silk were used a care tips are wat u've got. so let them shine and let them hang...lets start this meeting off with a bang. But if i cant climb and meet my lass...tat sad little witch is gonna get a kick in the ass! lol

Friday, October 10, 2008

Guided by an Eternal Flame

Moving through these dark alleys
There is no light from these haunted houses
Nothing but the darkness in front of me
Behind me, surrounding me
Nothing but the sounds of my feet
Caressing these dew wet streets
They say I am possessed
Some believe I am obsessed
Peering into dark corners
Hoping to find someone like me
A fool's moon burning cold
Scarred but yet so beautiful
Playing hide and seek with the clouds
With little stars twinkling about
It's not so hard to get lost
In this abyss of forgotten gods

But I'm not out of place
Nothing in life is ever misplaced
For those who cannot see the light
It burns blindingly bright
An eternal flame guides my way
Shining from deep withing my soul
Fueled by desires so pure
It shows the path made for me
As I walk along these dew wet streets
Passing by dancing shadows
They remain untouched by the light
I move passively thorough this city
Never stopping for hunger or pity
Not taking a breath
Not leaving a tear behind
How can I claim what was never mine?
I have abandoned this material world
It's something I came to realize
Not something that I learned
How can I become a part of the light
If I am scared of the flame
If I don't know how to burn
Man will never realize what he's got
In this abyss of forgotten gods

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Times of Irrelevance?

I was disheartened to read in the TOI a few days back a poll which asked "Are Bapu's ideals irrelevant today" which the majority voted "YES"...and then i wondered if Truth...Peace...Non-Violence...Unity...were really irrelevant in these painful times when the world is overrun by selfish, prude and hypocrites....not to mention those who call themselves politicians and terrorists. Gandhi's ideals where not just his own...he didn't MAKE them...they have always been there. They have existed since time was born...before there was a Gandhi...and they shall exist even after the Gandhi's statues have weathered away and his name is lost within faded pages.

We as people may have changed...we as a nation may have changed...we as individuals may have changed...but have we changed so much that we have come to ignore what is universal? This world has evolved and evolution just doesn't apply to physical objects. Gandhi's notions of peace and truth are as alive as they were when he walked barefoot across this nation. Should we not preform out duty without selfish desires....should we not treat everyone equal regardless of caste, creed, religion....should we not nurture non-violence and tolerance towards each other? As an individual we may not be in a position to do something as significant as walking across to spread the word peace and non-violence...but are we so helpless that we cannot culture within ourselves these simple ideas? Are our minds so crowded with materialistic desires and hatred for our neighbour that we have no space for compassion?

I am no Gandhi or Mother Teresa...and i don't claim to be either...but i don't think i have to be in order to believe in something so simple. Some may call it my nature...others may term it as my incapability to see the world for what it truly is now. I am not trying to see the world for what a fucked up place it already is...and the way we are going about our lives...its not really getting any better. What i AM trying to what this world CAN be.....its just a pity that i so often find myself as the only one to be looking in this direction.

Thursday, October 2, 2008



Singing the chants, humming the hymns
Letting yourself be proclaimed as a priest
Show the world what path to follow
Yet you do not believe what you preach
Those words are just plain words for you
The books you care for and worship
Yet you do not practice what they say
The words remain sealed behind those lips
The symbols of God have been abused
Trampled under the feet of soldiers
The crusades that you led from the front
Drawing the lines, separating with borders
You divided man on what name he gives God
Yet your religion calls Him by thousands of names
What childish intolerance do you nurture?
What to make of these petty games?
He is not yours to confine inside walls
He is not yours to lock behind doors
He is not only for the rich and giving
‘Cause we are all pitiful and poor
You scream blasphemy with anger in your eyes
To those who you loathe and despise
Have you learnt THIS from YOUR God?
Is this what you call religion?
The justification behind your killing
The reason men, women and children died
The cause for all the blood spilling
Oh I wish I could see where you will be
When you have breathed your last
What will become of your selfish pride…
When the moment of judgment will have passed

Fragile butterfly

It hurts to see when a father must bid farewell his child...being slowly taken away from his warm embrace. Disease is unbiased...Death is cruel...

Oh my little butterfly
Daddy loves you more then he ever has
Listen closely to the bedtime story tonight
Last time that I turn off the lights

Oh my little butterfly
Don't be scared of the dark
Then how will you differentiate
Between the sky and the stars

Oh my little butterfly
Hold on to your teddy tight
Spread your wings like you've never have
Towards the heaven take flight

Oh my little butterfly
Tell mommy that I love her too
It's just a matter of time
Then daddy will join both of you

Oh my little butterfly
Forgive me for making you so fragile
I swear that i will make it up
With chocolates and sparkles and little toys

Oh my little butterfly
Be brave, don't cry
Daddy's just kissing you goodnight
Daddy's not kissing you goodbye

Oh my little butterfly
Be brave...Be brave...

Albino eyes

Darkness be my guide
Take me where solitude exists
I grow weary of the burning light
For it blinds me
It tortures my eyes
The burns on my skin are fresh
They ache and ooze
Reminding me of the pain
The pain of being different

Darkness be my friend
For you give me peace
These wounds soothe in your light
These eyes see without fear
Though different we appear form one another
One has no meaning alone
No solitude for the other my hope the dwindling light...