Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Draw with words

A find it intriguing when people boast about their reading skills...how fast they can devour a novel...or how they can pick up the various aspects of literature in the book. Reading isn't about picking out the grammar in the words...no..not at all. I ain't that fast a reader...i take my time...savor it...each word...each line. I backtrack...re-read...close my eyes and feel the lines before moving on. Reading isn't about the speed...its about the imagination. As a reader...how well can you take the book in your hands and change it into a movie playing in your head. Reading is about how you paint the sky the way the writer describes it....the shades...the clouds...the leaves on the trees...the wind...the rain. You start from a blank canvas and paint as you read. Reading is about how you create the character...from head to toe as the writer exposes each little feature. You paint it...enlarge the eyes...color the hair...add a scar...add a birthmark...and give it a name. Make a person from words...and then you make him move. The lines in the book become strings...maneuvering the person as you read on. You give him memories...give him morals...faith..hope...pain.

You give him a voice..and then you make him talk. The words in quotes flow through the lips...curling on the "v"...the tongue touching the teeth on the "l". The character is your baby...and you watch it grow...learn...react. You become capable of predicting what the next move might be. How interesting a book is does not depend only on the writer, but also on the reader. A writer does not need "big fancy" words to express his thoughts...all a writer needs are the "right" words! All the reader needs is an open mind....a blank canvas when he starts to read the first line of the book.

How good a reader you are does not depend on how vast your vocabulary is...but on how vast your imagination is. Its not about how many pages you can read...its about how good you can transform yourself from a reader...to a viewer.

Reading isn't about finishing a book in your hands. Its about watching a movie behind your eyes.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

What came first...Love or Sex?

I thought i had "love" planned out pretty nicely...."don't use the "L" word with anyone"! ...so far so good! "Love" and "Hate" are two words i don't use so carelessly...they have a bigger meaning than people generally assume. But I won't say i am a "love-less" person...I love my freedom...i love my parents and siblings....i would love my dog...if i had one...and that's about as far as i get before i start to hesitate and change the topic. But i will not hesitate even once in saying that i have no idea about the boundaries of love. what is love...how far would i go in love...what is wrong and right in love...blah blah blah! Love for me is very simple...straight forward...very platonic. I keep my heart under control...but that doesn't mean i ain't romantic. I'm romantic...in my own weird way". Some may call it cheesy...some may call it cute...others may call it old fashioned! I don't give much of a fuck...its my opinion...mine and mine alone!

I thought i had some things figured out...like you love your partner...and you stay true to them....which basically means....be monogamous. you know...the "perfect couple". I'm very much Gandhian in my thoughts...ever since i read so much into Gandhi and realized how much our way of life and thoughts matched! But as my friend would say..."you are an idealist".....This i thought before the concept of "swinging couples and open relationships" became more abundant in the papers....in the media...in the air...in my head. A concept very deeply read by testosterone run men who fantasize about having sex with more than one woman at time. Everyone wants to be Akshay Kumar from Garam Masala...shuffling so many women...but even better if all your women know...and they agree. Like Anil Kapoor in Gharwaali-Baharwaali. I always failed to understand how one could go ahead with such a practice of multiple partners....till a friend of mine asked me a question..."...do you love your partner any less if you sleep with someone else?"...to which i blurted "DUH!!"....a question which, however lingered in the back of my head of quite some time...

Where do the boundaries of love lie?...is sex the same as love...or is sex just a subset of love....or is love a subset of sex?....the questions from the mind of a 21 year old virgin. Don't worry...I'm not the desperate kind just itching to throw it away....patience is what i have...in abundance. I have no idea whatsoever about the "love and sex" dilemma... though i wonder if its my lack of sex or my lack of love that hinders my thinking. I sometimes feel that I'm putting my opinion forward without having any experience...but then again...isn't that what having an "opinion" is all about! I don't know about swinging couples...but as far as having multiple sex partners goes once you are committed or in a relationship...is just downright wrong! For me cheating...is like lying...and I....HATE...LAIRS! Someone who lies just for sense gratification...to have sex...to "enjoy life" is a weak and pathetic soul. If the momentary "Crave" for the acquaintance in front of your eyes is stronger than your "Love" for the one whom you decided to give an important place in your life.... then you are one sad soul! If you are a person of conscience....then how do you overcome this dilemma...have the cake and eat it too?

1. Don't make anyone the love of your life. Enjoy unhindered sex with whoever you want...without the slightest sense of guilt. ...at the cost of knowing what Love is! Shakespeare would want to assassinate you (i have a feeling I'm gonna be argued on for this reference to Shakespeare!)...OR...
2. Live...Life...with Love. After all...you will be having sex...so no loss here....unless you believe that having lots of sex with lots of people is fun!...which most people do...

So...what to do?....what to do??

I don't expect a simple answer....i doubt there even is one. I guess this topic is all about opinions...beliefs...and the individual. Right now...my opinion is pretty straight forward...."don't cheat...don't sleep around (not like that's happening a lot!)".....but i guess this is one of those things where your thinking changes with experience. You know...like the way you thought about alcohol...until you had your first shot of vodka...and you said to yourself..."hey..this isn't all that bad! I'm not drunk..I'm not addicted! why do people make such a big fuss"....and then u have a couple of more shots...and then you are passed out after puking on the guy/gal you were trying to impress....but then tats a different story altogether. Or maybe its like your first drag of cigarettes or weed.....unless you ended up a chain smoker....or in jail for possession! .....again...an exceptional case!

What i guess I'm trying to say is....some things change...some opinions dissolve and decay...get replaced by new ones as you move down the road of life. The way you think...your judgment of "wrong and right" evolves. As we gather knowledge, we become wiser...some become dumber...but lets not get into details. Hopefully as i grow, i will able to see the difference between Love and Sex. Hopefully i will be able to draw the line in the right place...between an insatiable physical desire and the aphrodisiac of the masses. Love and Sex may become a lot simpler once i fall in love...or get married....or lose my virginity.......not necessarily in the same order! Hopefully some questions will be answered at different stages of life....but i wonder if i want them to be answered! Will i be willing to leave my comfort zone? Will i be able to comprehend and accept what i discover?...Will my curiosity get my cat killed? Now you see why i don't like using the "L" word....but atleast...i don't plan to say "i love you" when all i am thinking is "i wanna have sex with you"! For me atleast...Love and Sex are NOT INTERCHANGEABLE!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

As my heart burns slowly...it calls out to thee...
Oh love scorned...what good are the thorns if the rose burns?
Red or Black...it still turns to ash...

Stranger at the door...

You have set me free, unhinged this mind
My vision has cleared...fear gone blind
In these clear skies, i wish to dance in the rain
I wish to run...feel the wind...and leave everything behind

Who is this drug...that puts my pain to sleep?
Are you marijuana, ganja, acid or hashish?
Who is this death...that frees my soul?
...reminds me of life. I breathe...i breathe a little more...

Oh stranger...do tell me your name...
...who are you...from which realm have you come?

Wait!.....listen...as my heart speaks out to you...
It whispers its thoughts...it whispers in beats...
It asks...."Oh stranger...could you ...could you be Love?"

A day of love

It was night when i met you...
Dawn when i loved you...
...by burning noon we were enraged...
and you left me at dusk...with the setting sun...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Just a Coincidence?

You may think i am paranoid...you may think i am overreacting...making thoughts where none exist...but...i am just wondering! Not concluding! Not questioning! Just...wondering!

Your probably wondering what i am blabbering on about...then scroll below and read what i wrote one 16th November, 2008..."Awaiting the storm"... read it closely...and think for a second. I mentioned "its midnight again...eight more to go before it begins". i wrote this on the 16th...a few days later...they came from the sea...and landed on the shores of Mumbai where the battle raged! I know this sounds stupid...i am not claiming to be able to see the future or anything...but im creeped out here ok! Because this isnt the first time this has happened to me...

Start of the year...1st jan 2008, i had a dream. In my dream, Death came to me...or in more accurate terms...the messenger of death..."Yamraaj". this sounds really stupid...it did to me aswell at that moment. He told me its my Grandma's time. I asked him when...he replied..."2008"....i asked him "how will she go?"....to which he replied "when the time comes...you shall see"...after which i saw my family members clearing out my grandma's room. I woke up laughing at this dream! Because my grandma was one of the healthiest person in the family. At 99, she was fit..independent...and lively.

She fell sick a week later...and passed away a month later.

You still think i am nuts....then read on...

February, 2007, i was at my aunts place. My uncle had been sick for quite some time..he had a heart attack a few years back...liver failure...lung infections...and god knows wat. Doctors had given him a month at max.....he outlived the time limit by a couple of years. But tat weekend...i was at my aunts place, helping my aunt and my sister in law take care of my uncle who's condition had deteriorated all of a sudden. He was bed-ridden...and in a miserable state. I would spend the nights in his room...sleeping by the side of his bed...half asleep...half awake...my ears always attentive to my uncle's voice, in case he wanted something the middle of the night. He was in a bad condition...coughing...breathing hard...weak! One night...as i sat by his side and wrote in my journal...i wrote words which i can never forget. I wrote..."He breathes like his chest is rusted...the weakest i have ever seen him. He seems to be fighting a war....and losing. Like this is his last night...."

He passed away the next morning!

It doesn't stop here. I sleep walked and started talking about bombs and wars...before 9/11 happened! As a kid...I had a reoccurring dream in which my grandma was holding a baby. She was running...climbing coiled stairs...with a Lion chasing her. When she reached the top...she dropped the baby into my hands. I dreamed that over and over again...until one day we got a call that my aunt had given birth to a little baby girl. I didnt even know she was having a baby! And i think her sun sign is Leo aswell!

I know that this sounds stupid...absurd....crazy....a COINCIDENCE! but what can i do! i am no psychic who sees the future...neither am i a tarot reader who makes money outta telling ppl their future! All i am saying is.....THIS IS WAY TOO CREEPY FOR MY LIKING! And im pretty damn sure im not the only one out there to whom this happens to!

Sometimes i wonder if i can see death approaching. An instinct... a sixth sense?.....naaaah! Its all bullshit! But hey....this doesnt mean that i am gonna stop writing....or stop dreaming!