Saturday, November 22, 2008

Mistress of Memories

...she drifts through the streets without a sound...while Life and Death play hide'n'seek in the valley of broken dreams. The wind is cold...piercing the skin like needles...but only if she cared. Her eyes are hazy...not in color...but in thought. A gaze that sees beyond time...wandering in the land of memories. She walks eastwards...ever so slowly...

...the gray sky looms above like a somber child. The sound of thunder threatens the heart...but if only she cared. The banks of the river are devoid of civilization...just like the world. As she steps in...the water rushes to eat her flesh...the bitter cold biting at her skin...but only if she cared.

...welcoming the numbness....she steps in further. As the water reaches higher...she stops for a moment...and her gaze returns to this world. She bids farewell to the land of a placid smile drifts on her lips....then she takes the final step down...

...and disappears. The water welcomes her as its own ...embracing ...enveloping ...enchanting. The only memory remaining are the dying ripples on the surface...and even they fade away....

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Awaiting the storm

He stands on the shore, as the waves crash against the stones. It sounds like thunder…but the sky is clear. The moon is full, but the stars seems scared…they are not twinkling. He has been coming here every night…assessing the battle yet to come. His heartbeat is calm tonight…the cool breeze carries a message for him. As the tide rises to its peak, the water reaches his feet. The sand beneath his feet shifts, to acknowledge the being that stands upon it. He stares out into the sea…into the darkness. Far away, he can see thunder, but not hear it. The approaching storm is still far away.

Its midnight again, eight more to go until it begins
Another season has gone by...many have
And the circle is complete …again
Through the times I have changed, watched myself wax and wane
Gathering sea shells in a bag
Only to throw them back again
But this time it’s different…this time I shall not crumble
As the storm approaches, I sharpen my sword
As I prepare the body to shed blood
I prepare my mind to brace pain
Oh lord, be my guide… as I wait for the rising tide
On this full moon night…I prepare to set sail
I long to meet the stranger…the wind whispers his name
It tells me stories...of courage, bravery and fame
When we meet, the sea shall mix with blood and tears…yours and mine
But I shall not back down, for I leave my fear behind

If the sight of flowing blood scares you my friend,
Then let us meet where the water is black

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Listen to the rain

This is one of my favorite songs....from my favorite female artist...Amy Lee of Evanescence. I love listening to this song...with the lights off...while rain hits my window. It's just too beautiful a go ahead...and listen...

Listen listen
Listen listen
Listen listen
Listen listen
Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen listen

Listen to each drop of rain (listen listen)
Whispering secrets in vain (listen listen)
Frantically searching for someone to hear
Their story before they hit ground
Please don't let go
Can't we stay for a while?
It's just to hard to say goodbye
Listen to the rain

Listen listen listen listen listen listen to the rain
Oo...ooh oooh ooh oo...ooh
Oo...ooh oooh oh oh

Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen (listen) listen

I stand alone in the storm (listen listen)
Suddenly sweet words take hold
(Listen listen)
Hurry they say for you haven't much time
Open your eyes to the love around you
You may feel you're alone
But I'm here still with you
You can do what you dream
Just remember to listen to the rain

oo...ooh oh oh oh oh
ooh ooh oh oh oooh

Friday, November 7, 2008

Reason of the mind

We all have our morals and ethics. We chose to abide by our own laws so that we may appear to be a good citizen...a good human being. But every now and then...we come across a situation where we have to chose to stand by our morals....or compromise.

It was a hot summer normal as any other. I was walking around with my dad, returning from a day of checkups at the hospital. My dad has a bad knee...and it was giving him some trouble. Yet, we walked around laboriously the whole summer afternoon, shifting from one clinic to another. But as for me...i was lost in my own thoughts. My studies were not going great. 2nd year of university and i was as miserable as ever in my education! It bothered me...more so on that day then ever. As i followed my dad blindly through the mind preoccupied....cursing myself on my poor performance...trying to figure out where i went wrong from being a genius in school to digging a grave for myself in college. As these thoughts ran around in my head, i came face to face with one of the most challenging moments in my life.

I suggested to my dad that we should hire a rickshaw and make our way home now since his knee was causing him severe the point where he was limping. As I looked around, i saw two rickshaw pullers near was an old man...roughly the age of my grandfather...and the other...a kid...maybe 13 years old!...and it was then that i realized i had to make a choice. I have a soft spot for the elderly...maybe because i love and have been loved by my grandparents...or more so because i respect a person who endured the test of life. Every now and then when i see the elderly in such situations, my heart always collapses. I get this overwhelming feeling of sympathy that this person should be resting peacefully at home...with his children taking care of him as he lives out his old age in my grandfather was doing at that time. Such an old person should not be on the streets toiling for food.

So there they front of me. My father who was in elderly whom i would rather carry on my shoulders than to be pulled around by....and a kid who should be in school...surrounded by books and friends. He should be laughing and giggling...running around free...not toiling for a future. I had to choose! As selfish as it may seem....without hesitation, i chose to ride on the rickshaw being pulled by the kid. As i sat there, thoughts about "child labor"..."innocence lost"...."right to education"....kept on flashing through my head, like messages in an awareness commercial. Suddenly this simple ride home was becoming an psychological war.

As i sat there...behind the kid pedaling with all his mind was a wreck. Did i do what was necessary or should i have done the right thing by choosing not to be pulled by any of these rickshaws....which meant making my dad stand in pain longer. Should i have chosen my morals over my father? Was this even worth thinking over? I tried desperately to calm myself...thinking of excuses as to why this situation was justifiable..."i am paying him..he gets money"..."if he doesn't do it..who will?"..."it would have been injustice to the old man if i hadn't taken the kid" ...but as hard as i tried, the excuses did not suffice. For that moment...i was lost.

After the brief period of restlessness, i sat there in complete silence...observing the kid maneuver the rickshaw through the busy streets. I looked at my dad, he was in his own world through all of this...his eyes squinting every time pain shot down his leg. I felt odd...selfish....i had succumb. But where was i wrong?...what else could have i done? Someone had to take the burden of this simpe choice...and i had chosen the kid. I imagined myself...standing on the street looking at myself ride past in a rickshaw being pulled by a little child. I had nothing but shame for myself.

Like a coward, i took refuge where every other human being God. I said to myself, "This is what God must have in plan for me. My purpose. Or maybe its my good karma acting up. Every one is living according to their own karma. This kid, the old man, my reaping what we sow. But i haven't sown why am i sitting here being able to judge this? Did i do some humanitarian project while in my mothers' womb...for which i am enjoying this lavish life?" With every answer i tried to give felt like i had put myself on trail...and there i was...screaming at myself.."Guilty! Guilty! Guilty"....... so i closed my eyes...and hid.

...and then my mind said to me... "Maybe it's not karma for what they have done...maybe it's karma for what will be. They are not all reaping Akash... maybe some are sowing. Every soul is fighting its own battle here. Some against physical pain...some against tragedy of loss...some against time itself. So don't insult them by having pity on them, instead take solace in the fact that in your education, you have a battle to fight aswell. So fight to win...not to lose"

Its funny how one's mind comes up with reason to calm the heart in moments of a mother comforting her child...sometimes with the truth....sometimes with sugar coated lies. As for me, i had returned to peace. I opened my eyes...and everything seemed...normal. The tigers seemed to have returned to thier cages. As i looked around, every person had become a soldier. Finally...i felt at peace. Peacefull...but strangely numb. It felt like I had abandonded something...traded moral for reason. At that moment....some part of me died.

But life had suddenly become i had come out of the forest...found the path again. At that moment...some part of me woke up.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

For the kin

Some mistakes were mine...some were yours. I didn't choose to be away...i thought you understood..but I guess it was me who didn't. I doubt you will ever read this...

Oh brother, tell me what have I done wrong
What is the cause of this coldness...
The reason behind this bitterness...
We were one, we were blood and pain
In loss and the sun and the rain
You were my hero, I was your kin
Nothing would break us apart...we had promised

So where did i drift off as time passed?
Or was i still while everyone else floated away?
I didn't even know...until i called out your name
You weren't there, but everything still seemed the same
Did we walk too far down our own separate ways?
Or did we just grow too old to be children again?
I was there in your moment of in mine
Separated by these we search for time
But I believed that we would forever remain the same
How childish of naive...mundane.

Oh brother tell me now...what is my Achilles heel?
Oh brother tell me now...what is my sin?
Tell me now...will you ever forgive?
...or will you forever forget?