In my dreams

Fairies of a midsummer sky, don't hide amongst the stars
Come down for a little while...
Its time to fall asleep
Through the summer days I have walked
Only to find myself wandering through the winter fog
This yearning does not let me be as I search for the ones I love
Place me on the dew wet ground and sprinkle some fairy dust
I just want to fall asleep
Under a withering moon... let me sleep
Let the words float in my dreams
The promises they all broke... the ones I still keep
Sing to me of a land far away... one without hate or greed
And watch me drift away... into never ending sleep

As the night grows darker... I yearn to be...
Yearn to be... amongst my dreams...
The only place where I may find...
...My Everlasting Peace.

Songbirds

We're songbirds baby, trapped inside a cage
Singing out to the lonely moon
Mother gave me wings, and I gave up the sky for you
Sit beside me and watch the seasons go
This is just the winter baby
We've got many more to go

The spring breeze blows through my sullen dreams
But in the mist I sing to you,
A song which only you and I know
Though the cold wind freezes my thoughts
I fight it away, I fight it all for you
We're just songbirds baby
That's all we can do

Through the seasons, like the sun we grow
And the stars will call out to us baby
That's when we shall know
Fly away and leave this cage behind
We've got our whole deaths to go
We're songbirds singing the same song baby
And the song is in our souls
... the song is in our souls

Birds

Once in a while, even birds turn to stone
To leave the summer sun, flying back home
Where raindrops come tumbling down
And the skies turn to gray
That's where you find, the birds lost along the way
Broken wings and broken promises, can never be sold
We're birds of prey baby, slowly turning to gold

Rivers flow through, but always return to the sea
Like humming birds floating above
Riding on the back of an autumn breeze
The nest seems so far away, oh where have they come
A pair of fragile doves, searching for their home
Watch them shimmer, in the southern glow
We're birds of prey baby, slowly turning to gold

Clouds are ...and will always be
Even when you and I are gone, the sky will still be
On the wings of hope the world floats
That's the way it's always been
Remember the soul that is you and me
It will fly, even when we are long gone
We're birds of prey baby, slowly turning to stone.

Human

"The question is not 'who' i am.... the question is 'what' am i?

You have searched far and wide... in vain.
I am what you wanted... I am what you yearned.
I am the desire... I am the goal.
I am the strength... I am the courage.
I am the resolve... I am the result.

I'm the task... I am the doer.
I'm the force... I am the observer.
I'm the woman... I am the child.
I'm the man... I am the boy.

I'm the right and the wrong.
I'm the moral and the immoral.
I'm the pessimist and the optimist.
I'm the imaginable and the unimaginable.

I reside within the heart and the brain.
I comprise the soul and the mind.
I flow in the stream and the blood
I burn in the wood and the sun

I am love. I am hate.
I am charity. I am greed.
I am denial. I am need.
I am unrest. I am peace.

I am your words. I am the language you speak.
I am your breath. I am the air you breathe.
I am your eyes. I am the light you see.
I am your skin. I am the touch you feel.

I am in the temple you build.
I am in the Quran you read... in the Bible you preach.
I am the desert... I am the mirage....
I am the summer heat and the winter snow...
I am in the Autumn wind and the spring flow...

Find me in the leaf... find me in the stone...
Find me in the time to come... see me in the moments gone...
Search for me on the outside and you shall find...
Search for me on the inside and you shall find...

I am the beast and its rage...
I am a songbird and its cage...
I am you and your mind...
I am man and his kind...

Do you not see... what I see...
I am You... You are Me."

The one who used to speak of Love as though she had invented it...
I knew her well... and her poor confused heart... which skipped beats but always resisted...

and she always compared it to the seed buried deep beneath the earth...
and thought that is where she would spend all eternity.

I remember the night... when we danced close to one another. And I asked you to stand on my feet... while you kissed me. You were mine then... completely mine. Not touching the Earth... not part of the Sky. Mine... and Mine alone.

The DJ didn't know he it... he was playing just what both of us wanted... Or maybe he did.

You

You are a puzzle... that's what you are. Only knowing yourself where each piece fits. Giving clues... but never giving in.

You are a single drop of rain... that's what you are. Only knowing from where you have come. Giving life... but never giving in.

You are a single ray of light... that's what you are. Only knowing when you left the sun. Giving warmth... but never giving in.

You are unique... that's what you are.
I wish I was too.

Led Zeppelin's 'Ten Years Gone' in the air around me...
... and you are my reprise... that's what you are.

Lonely Sun

Tears of the sun...
Floating through space...
To have little children around him play...
But no one to touch...
No one to love...
To give and give and never ask...
To burn for them and never say a word...

The brightest star in the sky...
Sitting in the darkness alone...
The warmth of the world...
And none for himself...

In death

Hold on old man... hold on to the strands of time...
For your son is still far away...
Across the lands... across the seas...
His heart still beats...
Wait for him... for he his heart pulls him here...
Hold on old man... your son is on his way.

Hold on old man... the time has not come yet.
Maybe your heart can beat a bit more...
Maybe your eyes can blink a bit more...
Fragile legs still yearn to walk...
The dry and cracked lips still yearn to talk...

Hold on old man... your son is here...
Listen to his voice... feel his breath...
Touch his skin... and smile for him...
Covered in dirt... weak in his eyes...
He came for you... traveling across a thousand miles...
Etch his face in your dying soul...
He is what you leave behind...

When you feel that all has been done...
The wheels no longer need to be turned...
Then let it go...
Let the breath float away... rising through your chest...
Let go of the pain... let go of the hurt...
Don't hold back old man... the time has finally come.

He was always fond of tea.

My grandparents meant a lot to me... both my grandfather and his elder sister... my grandaunt. My grandfather was a quiet gentle man. Crippled by an accident in the prime of his life... he appeared to be a man of sorrow... accepting silence and peace due to fate rather than choice. The best memories i have of him were when i used to run up to him as a child and stand on his feet... and he would walk around with me like that. My small gentle feet on his comforting large feet. He taught me the meaning of protecting someone... of little moments stolen... to be enjoyed in the company of the ones you love. Sneaking out of the house to eat jalebi ... he was fond of sweets... and tea. The sound of him singing in the morning,

But time spares no one. It killed me to see him crawling across the cold floor in winter... his legs stuck curled... unable to stretch. His bony frame being dragged by his still strong arms... pulling the load of his useless legs. I helped him to get on the bed again... he was a heavy man. Heavy in the bone... heavy in the heart... heavy in the soul. I used to hear him cry in the night over things which were never there. My grandma... his soul mate... at his side for most of his life. But even she could only handle a man so much... he was a baby in his 80's.

One loses his senses with age. I wonder if its the degradation of the brain... or the wear and tear of time on the mind. Delirious... that's what he would become every now and then. Walking to the edge of the roof every now and then... talking about death and suicide... only to return to his bed... saying how its too dark now and he would do it tomorrow. At times he wouldn't listen to anyone... anyone except my uncle and me... his son and his grandson. Through his madness, he would focus on me every now and then and ask me how my studies were going... how old was I... and that someday i would grow up to be a fine man.

I went home after getting a call from my mum that grandpa had fallen sick and was admitted in the hospital. Its a strange feeling... knowing about the approaching death. I was at his side during his last days... spending nights in the hospital... reading through books i never thought i would read. Every now and then the nurse would allow me to go in the ICU and have a look. He had become so fragile... curled up in the bed... covered with white sheets... probes and needles and sensors covering the length of his frame. His mind... comatose. I would see him... and with the coldness of death itself, wish that he would just die.

One night, the nurse came looking for me. I couldn't hear her over the sound of my ipod pumping rock into my ears. I ran into the ICU... fearing the worse... only to see grandpa sitting up in his bed... pulling away at the sensors... not being able to understand where he was. The nurse trying desperately to control his movements, but failing to hold down those huge arms. I didn't realize till then how strong he still was. As i put my mouth to his ears and said "daddyji, hospital me ho. Woh davayi lagayi hai... usko na nikalo"... he seemed to awaken from a trance. I imagined how his blurred mind would have focused on something familiar... and held on to it. He calmed down and looked at me...smiled and whispered "chai...chai". The nurse had tried feeding him milk but he would swallow a drop... he was always fond of tea.

I think if ever i could have repaid him for my childhood... for the happy moments... it was that moment. Sitting there... spoon feeding tea to a grown man on his death bed... I felt so calm. Not his four sons... not his two daughters... not his siblings... not his wife... but me... me with him. My heart sullen... yet happy that i got a chance to do this. I put his head back down slowly and kissed him on his cheek. He was a strong man... now i understood where my strength came from. As i walked out of the hall, i called my mum to tell her and the rest of the family, that he had improved. But here is what i have learned... before death... man sits up... as if taking the world in for the last time... savouring it... asking for the things he loves the most... and when he has had enough... he goes to eternal sleep.

I returned to college the next day, only to hear that afternoon itself. Grandpa had passed away. I was the last one who had seen him alive... talked to him... fed him... comforted him. He returned to his comatose after i had left him. Somewhere deep inside i felt at peace... somewhere i felt sad... somewhere i indifferent... somewhere i felt cold. Every now and then i sit alone with the rising sun and hum his words...

"uth jaag musafir bhor bhayee... ab rain kahan jo sovat hai... jo sovat hai so khovat hai... jo jaagat hai so paavat hai." (wake up traveler, its morning. Where is the time to sleep now. He who sleeps... loses. He who awakens... gains.)