Thursday, February 19, 2009

Life's like that

Let’s be realistic here for a while
So what if the troubles are as real as the light
When the wind wasn’t blowing like you wanted it
Didn’t you then run along with the kite?
A little heartache, a little heartbreak
Covered in the smiles of the little children playing in the rain
Do you not dream when the lights go out?
Do you not open your eyes when it’s bright?
Then why be sad, why be glum
Feel all you can with those fingertips
Before these fingers start to go numb

Let’s be unrealistic here for a while
Leave the troubles and misery behind
It’s a big world out there
It’s a big world in here as well
So quit trying to be the invisible person
You don’t have to be the shoulder on which everyone cries
You don’t have to take the blame or say the lies

So what if the world is moving too fast
Your feet weren’t meant to run my darling
Your feet were meant to dance
So dance, dance, dance
Don’t think twice...because you know you can

Its your life...Live it on your terms...
....these eyes feel so heavy...warm....wet...
My fingers move slowly across the they wield the pen...
The words on the pages have become blurred...
My breath has slowed down...
The sound of "Midnight by Jimi Hendrix" playing in the background dies away.
....and i let my eyelids fall....

Somewhere deep inside my mind, a poem comes calling out...
in the soft mellow voice of my english teacher...

"the woods are lovely..dark and deep...
but i have got promises to keep.
Miles to go before i sleep...
Miles to go before i sleep."

The words pull my falling mind back on to the shore.
The sound of the guitar comes rushing into my ears...
I force my eyes open...
My fingers grip the pen tighter...
The words have chosen to glow again...

...and i continue to write...
..into the night...
...into the dark and silent night...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Remember the Courage

Do you think there exists a moment where you can just change yourself completely? Cleanse yourself ....redeem yourself...throw away all that you have become and become all that you have ever wanted? A task like this seems to be impossible...but is it so great...that its greater than your power of will?

Does our will lie in our ability to move boulders....or does it lie in our ability to move the hearts of people?
Does our strength lie in our ability to hold on tightly to the ones we love....or does it lie in our ability to let them go?
Does our resolve depend on how hard we can resit the change....or does it lie in our ability to accept it?

At the end of the day...when you sit in the dark...just you and your you feel happy about what you have become?...then why is there an urge to break lose...when there is nothing holding you down. Why then is there an urge to tell someone that you love them? Why is there a desire to fix all the wrongs that you have ever done?

Is there a moment in this darkness...when you tell yourself...."I am more than what this world sees me as. I am more than what I have become. I am more than even the change I wish to bring."

Does such a moment exist?....does it?....

Yes it does. It exists in every breath we every blink we make. All we need to use the "colossal courage" that binds our cells together. The courage that makes us close our eyes...the courage that makes us dream...the courage that makes us open our eyes again. Its the same courage that gave us our first kiss. Its the same courage that stopped our tears every time a friend left. Its the same courage that made us take our first steps. Do you remember that courage....or have you forgotten?

Remember...its never too late to change...not even when you are holding your very last breath.

We are more than what we are....we are what we believe.

Right in Two

A song called 'Right in Two'....A song by Tool...A song for all human beings! Some of the deepest lyrics i have come across in a very long time. As i listen to this brings a smile to my lips. How true it true....

Angels on the sideline,
Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they're all confused.

Don't these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys,
Where there's one you're bound to divide it.
Right in two.

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason.
And this is what they choose.
And this is what they choose...

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They forge a blade,
And where there's one
they're bound to divide it,
Right in two.
Right in two.

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey.
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs.
They make a club.
And beat their brother, down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.
Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability
to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here.

Cut it all right in two
Cut it all right in two
Cut it all right in two
Cut it all right in two

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,
overhead and light
Fight over love, over sun,
over another, Fight...

Angels on the sideline again.
Benched along with patience and reason.
Angels on the sideline again
Wondering when this tug of war will end.

Cut it all right in two
Cut it all right in two
Cut it all right in two

Right in two...

Friday, February 13, 2009

I am a Rose

I am a seed.

I sit on the top of this pile, in this overcrowded market for farmers. Baking under the sun...frozen by the bitter wind. Being sold for a couple of rupees, along with hundreds of others just like me...I'm not worth even a single rupee. I am expendable...replaceable.

Devoid of water, I am dry as sand...lifeless. Hard on the outside...i feel indestructible on the inside. How foolish of me.

Carried across the land...not knowing where i was born...not knowing from which womb was i stolen, i am thrust into the cold earth. It feels like home...strange. Carefully placed into the dirt like a little baby...i am buried. Am i dead?

No! I am not dead! I am alive! Alive as any one of you! Alive as everyone of you!

I am strong! I am brave! I have a right to live! I shall break my prison and rise through my grave... back into the light where i belong. I shall not crumble and decay...i shall not be swallowed by worms...i shall not be forgotten.

This is my resolve. This is my destiny. I talk to myself...comfort myself...encourage myself as i rise through this cold earth...unconsciously drawn upwards...into the light. Oh Lord...give me strength to break this coffin. As i break through the surface...i feel the wind...i feel the sun...i feel alive. I spread my green leaves...and i Breathe.

I grow more each day. Higher towards the sky..towards the sun. I change...i grow leaves...i grow thorns. I resist the wind...the water...the dry heat...just to understand what i am. When the time arrives, i tear open my skin and spread my heart out to the red...beautiful...soft...heart. With each day, i grow heart grows...only to be cut away!

For you i shall give up my life. For you will abandon my self.
Don't cry for me...for i shall bring a smile on your face.
Don't reject me...for i shall bring love into your world.
I shall say what a million words could never have...
So keep me close to your heart...because that's where i belong.

I sit on top of this this overcrowded world of lovers. Shining under the sun...tickled by the breeze. Being given to a loved one...i am invaluable. I am the only one...worth giving a life for. I'm unforgettable...irreplaceable.

I am a Rose.

Happy Valentines everyone. :-)
As a child we were so strong.
Strong enough to forget the broken friendship of your childhood friend....
Strong enough to forget the death of your grandparents...
Strong enough to forget the cold limp body of your pet dog...

Change is so inevitable. It comes every moment...every every breath we every blink we make. Even words written in stone don't last. They get eroded away by the subtle the flowing the charring fire. In view of this changing life, words like "forever"..."always"...seems so absurd. Nothing ever lasts...nothing ever remains the same. We ourselves change. With every day that passes by, we see more...we hear more...we learn more...we change.

So how do we find something permanent in this impermanent life? Do we make promises for eternal bonds? Do we hold onto the ones we love till our nails bleed their flesh? Do we cry and pray to God to make everyone we love immortal?

Today, I truly understand the meaning of the phrase, "Nothing lasts forever, yet life goes on".

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Gone with the flame

Sitting on the corner of his bed…the lighter feels so heavy in his hands. Clear liquid dancing in a transparent cage, not knowing it’s about to burn. He wonders…how would it feel to burn…to have your skin on fire, melting away...floating away from you…dispersing in the air with the black smoke. Would he still feel it if he was dead? On the pyre? He twirls the photograph in his hand…the image stares at him. He burns. Somewhere deep inside…he burns…without a flame…without any smoke.

He looks at the clock. It’s been ticking for the last three hours. Counting down every second…refusing to let one pass it by. He’s been sitting there, twirling the photograph in his hand…shifting between a colored image and the white back. How different they are. One burns him…the other soothes. Click! Click! Click!...and the lighter ignites in a yellow flame. Shinning light into the dark corners of the room. Its 3 am yet the sun seems to have invaded his world again. He twirls the photograph one last time. Looks at it in disgust…how can she smile like that? How can she be so happy? Can’t she see his face through the photograph? She wouldn’t be smiling if she could.

The tip touches the flame and it spreads across the photograph. It asks no questions. Takes no opinions. It just burns. Spreading in all directions…it just burns. “Betrayal! Betrayal!” his heart screams out. “Burn in Hell bitch! I hope you burn…just like this photograph.” A pain rushes up his fingers as the flame reaches the end of its victim. “Stupid shit…doesn’t even know when to stop”. The flame has no friends…no enemies. Its so pure…so neutral…so fearless. He wishes he could be like it.

The remains of the photograph lie on the floor. She’s not smiling anymore, but he is. He knows it’s over now. He can feel it. Like the world has been lifted off his back. His breath feels different now…cooler…softer. He knows there won’t be any more sleepless nights. No more staring at the ceiling…no more getting lost in random thoughts. No more association of places with memories…no more memories. He lies down and closes his eyes. No more flashing lights…no more tears. He knows it’s over.

Monday, February 9, 2009

A Part Of Me

This is for You...
Whom I shall never forget...
You know who You are...

There exists a cell in my brain in which you reside...a little memory...a which you reside. That is how you have become a part of me, living with me...within me. A part of you that i believe and carry wherever i go. You are with me when i feel alone...your face dances behind my eyes...your words emerge from the depths of my mind...your voice speaks to me when i feel alone. It offers me guidance when my mind is turbulent. It comforts me when my heart is in pain. It gives me courage when the strength leaves my hands. It shows me reason when all i can see is chaos. Forgetting you is not possible. You remain etched in my skin...a scar...a mark...a painting....reminding me of the moment that you existed with me....reminding me that you shall forever remain with death. You may never may never understand.

Forgive me for the wrong which I may have done to you. Forgive me if i ever ignored you...if i wasn't there when you needed me. Forgive me if i ever disappointed you...let you down.

I may never get a chance to thank you. Even if i do...i doubt i shall ever have the words. Just remember, that you gifted me something that paper could never wrap.

This is for God...who has been a master...who has been a friend...guiding me through this life.
This is for my grandparents...who enveloped me with their love and care.
This is for my father...who showed me the meaning of trust and honesty.
This is for my mother...who showed me how to care.
This is for my sister...who has been saving my ass since i was a kid.
This is for my childhood friend Justin...who cried when I left. I never understood why you i do.
This is for my friend Saurabh...who saved me from becoming a "typical" person.
This is for my friend Santvana...who has always understood me, been the well of my thoughts.
This is for my friend Sahani...who made me believe in coincidences, showed my how two people from different times, different worlds can be so similar!
This if for my friend Prerna...who taught me how to "flush" my mind, when it becomes too much of a mess to solve.
This is for Neha...who was more than a friend, who inspired me to rediscover myself and be strong again. I'm sorry that i broke your heart...but its the only way i could have ever understood my own.
This is for my friend Nishan...who has been my partner in hard work.
This is for my friend Reema...who helped me find myself when i felt lost.

These words may never reach your eyes...but in my mind you shall forever reside....