Saturday, January 31, 2009

Soldier On

In the night, you duel with your fears
In the light, you fight with your thoughts
The chaos in your head...the carnage...the mess...
Dead memories... beheaded dreams...
Wounded egos and broken beliefs...
As your mind becomes a war ground...
Just soldier on...

In this wound was your cure...
The tear...the blood...the pain...
Your swords bathes crimson...
The blood on your brow is your own...
The gash on your chest was given to you...
Let the scar be the memory of your war...
Just soldier on...

Oh guardian of peace, make them believe
That your are awake while the whole world sleeps
In reminiscence of the life that you have lived
Let this decision be yours...yours and yours alone...
Forefit your accession...shed this armor...
With your dreams in your pocket...and hope in your hands...
Just soldier on...
Just soldier on...


With every moment that passes by, you become a memory that forever dies.
I did not give time this power to erase...the power to remove....the ability to create...
Within my head I had dreams, behind these eyes they would never sleep
But I let them dwindle in the darkness...crawl behind the curtains...

When one dream dies...the silence echoes in the night....
When one dream dies...your mind comes alive...
All I did was listen to the beats, as they danced from my heart to my mind...
With every beat that passes become a dream that forever dies...

Your forever sun

Come...and light my flame...
Let me ignite, let me kindle, let me burn.
I will become the ember, the flicker, the flame
I will become the candle...melting to give you life
Drink me down like alcohol...
Pour me into the grass, under this magnifying glass
Char me black to the bones...don't ever give up...
Become the blaze...become the pyre...
Come...incinerate me... till your heart desires.

Maybe when your inferno dies out...
Then you might be able to see through the smoke
I was never the gun...I was never the spark....
I was never the gasoline...I was never the bark...
Maybe then you will realize that I can never burn...
Maybe then you will realize that I will forever burn...

I was beside you all along....
Your ever eminent sun...

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Undying Love

I asked for freedom...she made a noose.
I asked for faith...she walked up the steps.
I asked for sacrifice...she held the noose in her hands.
I asked for devotion...she put the noose around her neck.
I asked for peace...she closed her eyes.
I asked for courage...she smiled.
I asked for reverence...she whispered my name...

..."All that I am is me...all that I have is me.
...All that I give...I give to thee.
I shall not cry...thy shall not remorse.
Oh Live forever...My Loved One."...

...I asked for immortality...she plunged.

An "Undying Love" was all that I had asked her for...
...She gifted me an "Everlasting Debt"...

Hidden treasures

See the world for what it is...imagine the world for what it's not.

Listen to the twinkling of the stars...they play the music of peace
Watch the howling of wolves...they gather with unity
Smell the drops in the ocean...they breed acceptance
Taste the rays of sunlight...they shower equality
Touch the strands of time...they embody patience

Oh being...the one who exists...the one who conspires...
Have faith in humanity...this imperfect humanity...
Oh being...the one who yearns...the one who learns...
Have faith in this world...this imperfect world...
Have faith in thy soul...
Have faith in thy self...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Lost in my thoughts

I just realized...that in most of what i have written...whenever i have mentioned the night has been moonless. Yes, i do I have a fascination for the moonless night...the dark and peaceful moonless night. I realized that there are a lot of things that fascinate me. I tend to drift a lot...become lost in my own little world with my colorful thoughts. It so often happens in the middle of a lecture...but a lot of other times as well. Sometimes i stare blankly at the wall...or the moving fan...and find myself in a trance. But most often then happens when see something...something that catches my eye and rips me out of my body...drags me towards itself and leaves me frozen...enchanted. The feeling of going blank in your mind and oddly peaceful. Unfortunately...or fortunately...there are a lot of things that do this to me.

A flickering candle flame...the sound of thunder....flash of eyes...rain...oil drop on water...dew drop on a leaf...the swirl of water in a drain...the ripples on a pond...a butterfly landing on a twig...a squirrel gobbling groundnuts...rising smoke...lips... the full yellow moon...the white sun on a foggy winter afternoon...howling of the wind...kissing...heat rising from the road on a burning summer day...a drop of sweat on the tip of my orgasm...flickering of a bulb...smoothness of the scales of a snake...a falling and white photographs...a dark moonless night...scanning tunneling electron micrographs of living cells zoomed millions of times...the wheel of a moving car...clouds moving across the moon...chirping of crickets...the fog...

There is so much to much more to imagine...


I had a near death experience today. As the smart ones would've realized by was only a "near"death experience...just the trailer...not the movie. One step...that's it. I was "one step" away from it all...literally! One stupid little step that i didn't thankful little step that i didn't take.

I almost got myself run over by a Haryana Roadways while catching an auto. I repeat..."I almost got MYSELF killed"! No...the bus was not speeding...the driver was not was not reckless was reckless walking. Piece of advice...."look both ways before crossing the road.....always!!" I know most of you are screaming "DUH!" rite now...but trust won't be so obvious when you do it. I know i am careless about the small things...but i always tend to be careful when walking on the road. I guess today was one of those days where I took something as simple as walking for granted. "I'm 21..i know how to cross the road!!!"...yeah..bullshit! I always used to wonder how someone got run over...always thinking that it must be at the fault of the driver...but the bus whizzed past my face...missing me by a couple of inches... i realized its not always the case. The driver does honk...and he honks really loudly...but some people just have earphones stuffed deep into their ears and are listening to loud rock music to not pay attention to the ton of metal moving at 80kmph....people like me! :-( I'm thankful that one of those loud honks managed to pierce the sound of drums and base pounding in my ears and made me realize. I'm thankful that this one honk...made me turn my head around and stop myself from committing "unintentional suicide". As i sat in the auto...catching which almost got me killed...i did reminiscence about the last 21 years. They say your whole life flashes in front of your eyes just before you die...i say your happiest moments do!

I thought how it would've been. Would it have been painful?..Painless? Would time have slowed it does in the movies...or would it be all over in a instant. I wondered if everything would become black...white...or red. I wondered if i would have gone to heaven or hell....or no where. I wondered how my body would have flown yards away...bounced of the road and landed in pool of blood...crushed bones and flesh ... my head split wide a stray dog...the roadkill i have so often witnessed while traveling. I wondered if God would call me a "jackass" when he met me...or i met him...whichever way it works. Then i wondered if i would have survived...had a miraculous recovery...and then laughed about it. The difference in the two scenarios made my knees go weak. My stomach felt hollow. My head felt heavy...and i realized...i just played Russian roulette all by myself...and survived the first shot. I may not be so lucky the next time.

Today was a day of reminders. A reminder of how a little moment of carelessness could end it all. A reminder of the one who has prepared food for you...and is eagerly watching the road... waiting for you to come home. A reminder of who all would've cried if i had taken that one extra step. A reminder of all those who have been there with me since i was a child and they continue to do so...selflessly. A reminder of how i need to keep myself alive in order to keep those i love happy.

A reminder...that i am mortal. A reminder...that not everything is ticked on my "things to do before i die list". A reminder...that i am still a virgin! :-)

So people...take care of yourself. Don't throw it all away...this is one lesson you don't wanna learn the hard way. Be safe.

Friday, January 2, 2009


Black is the color of the moonless sky
Darker are her beautiful eyes
Deeper and deeper she drags me down
I don’t know if I ever wanna get out
I may be lost, but I don’t think I wanna be found

Let me wander here for a while
Its peaceful than the world outside
Some hidden treasures, dancing fireflies
No sign of deceit and deception
Eyes so pure, devoid of lies

But hidden behind the darkness
Her tears twinkle bright
Seeming like little stars in the sky
I wonder what could be the reason she cries
The memories in which she dies

Just lead me deeper, where it hurts the most
I can heal your scars, make you smile
Take my shoulder if you feel weak
Hold my hand and I will walk by your side
Just to see a sparkle in those eyes
Those dark and beautiful eyes…

A million miles

There's a road, a sky and a lake...straw huts on the outskirts
Mountains and hills...with little children playing in the dirt
The world moves by and the world moves on
Souls arrive, only to depart and carry on
There's a blind man who sings and hums
A mother who waits for his soldier to return
A father earning life for his family
A baby suckling milk happily
There's a eunuch dancing in the aisles
Trading money for blessings, under fearful eyes

But here I sit, out into the darkness i gaze
Beyond the rail tracks...beyond the fields of maize
Your dances behind these eyes...
More enigmatic than the moonless sky
A riddle...entangled thoughts...capturing my mind
The answers in your eyes...hidden behind
I have memories...a smile to my lips they bring
Bits and pieces, wound into an endless string
A laugh...a smile...a whisper...a kiss
The touch of a soft hand...the taste of your lips

I travel the land...from where the sun sets
From the land of the land where we met
I would brace the sun and the rain, just to be at your side
But for a moment...a second...a cold winter night
I have no diamonds, no rubies, no stones
I have no kingdom, no land, no home
I give you my warmth, my breath...all that I can
I give unto you all that I am

I would travel a million miles...spanning under a million skies be at your side...

Don't Forget

Don’t forget me please

I know I will never be able to forget you

No matter how far away death takes me

I will always be right next to you

Don’t forget the summer nights

Sitting on the roof watching fireflies

Sea breeze playing with our hair

Stars glistening in the moonless sky

Don’t forget the first time we made love

Candle light and satin sheets

The first time I felt perfect

With you in my arms, I felt complete

Don’t forget the fights

The times when we both were right

I lied just to see you cry

Just to see the flame ignite in your beautiful eyes

Don’t forget me please

I know I am not coming back

I love you more now that I’m losing you

But there’s nothing that I can do

I wish I could keep this heart beating a bit longer

Pause time to be with you forever

Don’t forget me please

I know I will never be able to forget you

No matter how far life takes you away

Death will bring me back to you

Back to you…

A winter flame

Into the amber glow of the fire I stare
Searching for shapes...maybe a face...
Breathe in the flame, let it engage
I sit for the night till the sky burns red
Oh fire, why do you burn?

In my peace

This emptiness surrounding me...enveloping the air like the fog outside my window. "Oh child...break free" my heart it sits chained to the tree."Oh child...release" my brain it holds on to hope in the ever dying light. My skin soaks cold in the mist, as shapes form and dissolve in the gray...the cold...wet gray. Its not death, its not loneliness...its an odd form of peace. The one that knocks on your soul and wants to talk...the peace who stares into your eyes...waiting for you to blink first. It yanks out your desires and drags them through the streets...questioning your judgment at every turn. It questions...interrogates your mind...your morals...your sanity. Like the every swinging pendulum, my mind ever restless...fading into fantasies...only to fade out again.

Give me fire...and i shall give you light.