Undying Love

I asked for freedom...she made a noose.
I asked for faith...she walked up the steps.
I asked for sacrifice...she held the noose in her hands.
I asked for devotion...she put the noose around her neck.
I asked for peace...she closed her eyes.
I asked for courage...she smiled.
I asked for reverence...she whispered my name...

..."All that I am is me...all that I have is me.
...All that I give...I give to thee.
I shall not cry...thy shall not remorse.
Oh Live forever...My Loved One."...

...I asked for immortality...she plunged.

An "Undying Love" was all that I had asked her for...
...She gifted me an "Everlasting Debt"...

Hidden treasures

See the world for what it is...imagine the world for what it's not.

Listen to the twinkling of the stars...they play the music of peace
Watch the howling of wolves...they gather with unity
Smell the drops in the ocean...they breed acceptance
Taste the rays of sunlight...they shower equality
Touch the strands of time...they embody patience

Oh being...the one who exists...the one who conspires...
Have faith in humanity...this imperfect humanity...
Oh being...the one who yearns...the one who learns...
Have faith in this world...this imperfect world...
Have faith in thy soul...
Have faith in thy self...

Lost in my thoughts

I just realized...that in most of what i have written...whenever i have mentioned the night sky...it has been moonless. Yes, i do I have a fascination for the moonless night...the dark and peaceful moonless night. I realized that there are a lot of things that fascinate me. I tend to drift a lot...become lost in my own little world with my colorful thoughts. It so often happens in the middle of a lecture...but a lot of other times as well. Sometimes i stare blankly at the wall...or the moving fan...and find myself in a trance. But most often then not...it happens when see something...something that catches my eye and rips me out of my body...drags me towards itself and leaves me frozen...enchanted. The feeling of going blank in your mind and senses...is oddly peaceful. Unfortunately...or fortunately...there are a lot of things that do this to me.

A flickering candle flame...the sound of thunder....flash of lightening...blue eyes...rain...oil drop on water...dew drop on a leaf...the swirl of water in a drain...the ripples on a pond...a butterfly landing on a twig...a squirrel gobbling groundnuts...rising smoke...lips... the full yellow moon...the white sun on a foggy winter afternoon...howling of the wind...kissing...heat rising from the road on a burning summer day...a drop of sweat on the tip of my nose...an orgasm...flickering of a bulb...smoothness of the scales of a snake...a falling star...wolves...black and white photographs...a dark moonless night...scanning tunneling electron micrographs of living cells zoomed millions of times...the wheel of a moving car...clouds moving across the moon...chirping of crickets...the fog...

There is so much to see...so much more to imagine...

Roadkill

I had a near death experience today. As the smart ones would've realized by now...it was only a "near"death experience...just the trailer...not the movie. One step...that's it. I was "one step" away from it all...literally! One stupid little step that i didn't take...one thankful little step that i didn't take.

I almost got myself run over by a Haryana Roadways while catching an auto. I repeat..."I almost got MYSELF killed"! No...the bus was not speeding...the driver was not drunk...it was not reckless driving...it was reckless walking. Piece of advice...."look both ways before crossing the road.....always!!" I know most of you are screaming "DUH!" rite now...but trust me...it won't be so obvious when you do it. I know i am careless about the small things...but i always tend to be careful when walking on the road. I guess today was one of those days where I took something as simple as walking for granted. "I'm 21..i know how to cross the road!!!"...yeah..bullshit! I always used to wonder how someone got run over...always thinking that it must be at the fault of the driver...but today...as the bus whizzed past my face...missing me by a couple of inches... i realized its not always the case. The driver does honk...and he honks really loudly...but some people just have earphones stuffed deep into their ears and are listening to loud rock music to not pay attention to the ton of metal moving at 80kmph....people like me! :-( I'm thankful that one of those loud honks managed to pierce the sound of drums and base pounding in my ears and made me realize. I'm thankful that this one honk...made me turn my head around and stop myself from committing "unintentional suicide". As i sat in the auto...catching which almost got me killed...i did reminiscence about the last 21 years. They say your whole life flashes in front of your eyes just before you die...i say your happiest moments do!

I thought how it would've been. Would it have been painful?..Painless? Would time have slowed down...like it does in the movies...or would it be all over in a instant. I wondered if everything would become black...white...or red. I wondered if i would have gone to heaven or hell....or no where. I wondered how my body would have flown yards away...bounced of the road and landed in pool of blood...crushed bones and flesh ... my head split wide open...like a stray dog...the roadkill i have so often witnessed while traveling. I wondered if God would call me a "jackass" when he met me...or i met him...whichever way it works. Then i wondered if i would have survived...had a miraculous recovery...and then laughed about it. The difference in the two scenarios made my knees go weak. My stomach felt hollow. My head felt heavy...and i realized...i just played Russian roulette all by myself...and survived the first shot. I may not be so lucky the next time.

Today was a day of reminders. A reminder of how a little moment of carelessness could end it all. A reminder of the one who has prepared food for you...and is eagerly watching the road... waiting for you to come home. A reminder of who all would've cried if i had taken that one extra step. A reminder of all those who have been there with me since i was a child and they continue to do so...selflessly. A reminder of how i need to keep myself alive in order to keep those i love happy.

A reminder...that i am mortal. A reminder...that not everything is ticked on my "things to do before i die list". A reminder...that i am still a virgin! :-)

So people...take care of yourself. Don't throw it all away...this is one lesson you don't wanna learn the hard way. Be safe.

Eyes

Black is the color of the moonless sky
Darker are her beautiful eyes
Deeper and deeper she drags me down
I don’t know if I ever wanna get out
I may be lost, but I don’t think I wanna be found

Let me wander here for a while
Its peaceful than the world outside
Some hidden treasures, dancing fireflies
No sign of deceit and deception
Eyes so pure, devoid of lies

But hidden behind the darkness
Her tears twinkle bright
Seeming like little stars in the sky
I wonder what could be the reason she cries
The memories in which she dies

Just lead me deeper, where it hurts the most
I can heal your scars, make you smile
Take my shoulder if you feel weak
Hold my hand and I will walk by your side
Just to see a sparkle in those eyes
Those dark and beautiful eyes…

A million miles

There's a road, a sky and a lake...straw huts on the outskirts
Mountains and hills...with little children playing in the dirt
The world moves by and the world moves on
Souls arrive, only to depart and carry on
There's a blind man who sings and hums
A mother who waits for his soldier to return
A father earning life for his family
A baby suckling milk happily
There's a eunuch dancing in the aisles
Trading money for blessings, under fearful eyes

But here I sit, out into the darkness i gaze
Beyond the rail tracks...beyond the fields of maize
Your face...it dances behind these eyes...
More enigmatic than the moonless sky
A riddle...entangled thoughts...capturing my mind
The answers in your eyes...hidden behind
I have memories...a smile to my lips they bring
Bits and pieces, wound into an endless string
A laugh...a smile...a whisper...a kiss
The touch of a soft hand...the taste of your lips

I travel the land...from sunrise...to where the sun sets
From the land of maize...to the land where we met
I would brace the sun and the rain, just to be at your side
But for a moment...a second...a cold winter night
I have no diamonds, no rubies, no stones
I have no kingdom, no land, no home
I give you my warmth, my breath...all that I can
I give unto you all that I am

I would travel a million miles...spanning under a million skies
...to be at your side...

Don't Forget

Don’t forget me please

I know I will never be able to forget you

No matter how far away death takes me

I will always be right next to you

Don’t forget the summer nights

Sitting on the roof watching fireflies

Sea breeze playing with our hair

Stars glistening in the moonless sky

Don’t forget the first time we made love

Candle light and satin sheets

The first time I felt perfect

With you in my arms, I felt complete

Don’t forget the fights

The times when we both were right

I lied just to see you cry

Just to see the flame ignite in your beautiful eyes

Don’t forget me please

I know I am not coming back

I love you more now that I’m losing you

But there’s nothing that I can do

I wish I could keep this heart beating a bit longer

Pause time to be with you forever

Don’t forget me please

I know I will never be able to forget you

No matter how far life takes you away

Death will bring me back to you

Back to you…

A winter flame

Into the amber glow of the fire I stare
Searching for shapes...maybe a face...
Breathe in the flame, let it engage
I sit for the night till the sky burns red
Oh fire, why do you burn?

In my peace

This emptiness surrounding me...enveloping the air like the fog outside my window. "Oh child...break free" my heart screams...as it sits chained to the tree."Oh child...release" my brain comforts...as it holds on to hope in the ever dying light. My skin soaks cold in the mist, as shapes form and dissolve in the gray...the cold...wet gray. Its not death, its not loneliness...its an odd form of peace. The one that knocks on your soul and wants to talk...the peace who stares into your eyes...waiting for you to blink first. It yanks out your desires and drags them through the streets...questioning your judgment at every turn. It questions...interrogates your mind...your morals...your sanity. Like the every swinging pendulum, my mind shifts...so ever restless...fading into fantasies...only to fade out again.

Give me fire...and i shall give you light.

Draw with words

A find it intriguing when people boast about their reading skills...how fast they can devour a novel...or how they can pick up the various aspects of literature in the book. Reading isn't about picking out the grammar in the words...no..not at all. I ain't that fast a reader...i take my time...savor it...each word...each line. I backtrack...re-read...close my eyes and feel the lines before moving on. Reading isn't about the speed...its about the imagination. As a reader...how well can you take the book in your hands and change it into a movie playing in your head. Reading is about how you paint the sky the way the writer describes it....the shades...the clouds...the leaves on the trees...the wind...the rain. You start from a blank canvas and paint as you read. Reading is about how you create the character...from head to toe as the writer exposes each little feature. You paint it...enlarge the eyes...color the hair...add a scar...add a birthmark...and give it a name. Make a person from words...and then you make him move. The lines in the book become strings...maneuvering the person as you read on. You give him memories...give him morals...faith..hope...pain.

You give him a voice..and then you make him talk. The words in quotes flow through the lips...curling on the "v"...the tongue touching the teeth on the "l". The character is your baby...and you watch it grow...learn...react. You become capable of predicting what the next move might be. How interesting a book is does not depend only on the writer, but also on the reader. A writer does not need "big fancy" words to express his thoughts...all a writer needs are the "right" words! All the reader needs is an open mind....a blank canvas when he starts to read the first line of the book.

How good a reader you are does not depend on how vast your vocabulary is...but on how vast your imagination is. Its not about how many pages you can read...its about how good you can transform yourself from a reader...to a viewer.

Reading isn't about finishing a book in your hands. Its about watching a movie behind your eyes.

What came first...Love or Sex?

I thought i had "love" planned out pretty nicely...."don't use the "L" word with anyone"! ...so far so good! "Love" and "Hate" are two words i don't use so carelessly...they have a bigger meaning than people generally assume. But I won't say i am a "love-less" person...I love my freedom...i love my parents and siblings....i would love my dog...if i had one...and that's about as far as i get before i start to hesitate and change the topic. But i will not hesitate even once in saying that i have no idea about the boundaries of love. what is love...how far would i go in love...what is wrong and right in love...blah blah blah! Love for me is very simple...straight forward...very platonic. I keep my heart under control...but that doesn't mean i ain't romantic. I'm romantic...in my own weird way". Some may call it cheesy...some may call it cute...others may call it old fashioned! I don't give much of a fuck...its my opinion...mine and mine alone!

I thought i had some things figured out...like you love your partner...and you stay true to them....which basically means....be monogamous. you know...the "perfect couple". I'm very much Gandhian in my thoughts...ever since i read so much into Gandhi and realized how much our way of life and thoughts matched! But as my friend would say..."you are an idealist".....This i thought before the concept of "swinging couples and open relationships" became more abundant in the papers....in the media...in the air...in my head. A concept very deeply read by testosterone run men who fantasize about having sex with more than one woman at time. Everyone wants to be Akshay Kumar from Garam Masala...shuffling so many women...but even better if all your women know...and they agree. Like Anil Kapoor in Gharwaali-Baharwaali. I always failed to understand how one could go ahead with such a practice of multiple partners....till a friend of mine asked me a question..."...do you love your partner any less if you sleep with someone else?"...to which i blurted "DUH!!"....a question which, however lingered in the back of my head of quite some time...

Where do the boundaries of love lie?...is sex the same as love...or is sex just a subset of love....or is love a subset of sex?....the questions from the mind of a 21 year old virgin. Don't worry...I'm not the desperate kind just itching to throw it away....patience is what i have...in abundance. I have no idea whatsoever about the "love and sex" dilemma... though i wonder if its my lack of sex or my lack of love that hinders my thinking. I sometimes feel that I'm putting my opinion forward without having any experience...but then again...isn't that what having an "opinion" is all about! I don't know about swinging couples...but as far as having multiple sex partners goes once you are committed or in a relationship...is just downright wrong! For me cheating...is like lying...and I....HATE...LAIRS! Someone who lies just for sense gratification...to have sex...to "enjoy life" is a weak and pathetic soul. If the momentary "Crave" for the acquaintance in front of your eyes is stronger than your "Love" for the one whom you decided to give an important place in your life.... then you are one sad soul! If you are a person of conscience....then how do you overcome this dilemma...have the cake and eat it too?

1. Don't make anyone the love of your life. Enjoy unhindered sex with whoever you want...without the slightest sense of guilt. ...at the cost of knowing what Love is! Shakespeare would want to assassinate you (i have a feeling I'm gonna be argued on for this reference to Shakespeare!)...OR...
2. Live...Life...with Love. After all...you will be having sex...so no loss here....unless you believe that having lots of sex with lots of people is fun!...which most people do...

So...what to do?....what to do??

I don't expect a simple answer....i doubt there even is one. I guess this topic is all about opinions...beliefs...and the individual. Right now...my opinion is pretty straight forward...."don't cheat...don't sleep around (not like that's happening a lot!)".....but i guess this is one of those things where your thinking changes with experience. You know...like the way you thought about alcohol...until you had your first shot of vodka...and you said to yourself..."hey..this isn't all that bad! I'm not drunk..I'm not addicted! why do people make such a big fuss"....and then u have a couple of more shots...and then you are passed out after puking on the guy/gal you were trying to impress....but then tats a different story altogether. Or maybe its like your first drag of cigarettes or weed.....unless you ended up a chain smoker....or in jail for possession! .....again...an exceptional case!

What i guess I'm trying to say is....some things change...some opinions dissolve and decay...get replaced by new ones as you move down the road of life. The way you think...your judgment of "wrong and right" evolves. As we gather knowledge, we become wiser...some become dumber...but lets not get into details. Hopefully as i grow, i will able to see the difference between Love and Sex. Hopefully i will be able to draw the line in the right place...between an insatiable physical desire and the aphrodisiac of the masses. Love and Sex may become a lot simpler once i fall in love...or get married....or lose my virginity.......not necessarily in the same order! Hopefully some questions will be answered at different stages of life....but i wonder if i want them to be answered! Will i be willing to leave my comfort zone? Will i be able to comprehend and accept what i discover?...Will my curiosity get my cat killed? Now you see why i don't like using the "L" word....but atleast...i don't plan to say "i love you" when all i am thinking is "i wanna have sex with you"! For me atleast...Love and Sex are NOT INTERCHANGEABLE!

As my heart burns slowly...it calls out to thee...
Oh love scorned...what good are the thorns if the rose burns?
Red or Black...it still turns to ash...

Stranger at the door...

You have set me free, unhinged this mind
My vision has cleared...fear gone blind
In these clear skies, i wish to dance in the rain
I wish to run...feel the wind...and leave everything behind

Who is this drug...that puts my pain to sleep?
Are you marijuana, ganja, acid or hashish?
Who is this death...that frees my soul?
...reminds me of life. I breathe...i breathe a little more...

Oh stranger...do tell me your name...
...who are you...from which realm have you come?

Wait!.....listen...as my heart speaks out to you...
It whispers its thoughts...it whispers in beats...
It asks...."Oh stranger...could you ...could you be Love?"

A day of love

It was night when i met you...
Dawn when i loved you...
...by burning noon we were enraged...
and you left me at dusk...with the setting sun...

Just a Coincidence?

You may think i am paranoid...you may think i am overreacting...making thoughts where none exist...but...i am just wondering! Not concluding! Not questioning! Just...wondering!

Your probably wondering what i am blabbering on about...then scroll below and read what i wrote one 16th November, 2008..."Awaiting the storm"... read it closely...and think for a second. I mentioned "its midnight again...eight more to go before it begins". i wrote this on the 16th...a few days later...they came from the sea...and landed on the shores of Mumbai where the battle raged! I know this sounds stupid...i am not claiming to be able to see the future or anything...but im creeped out here ok! Because this isnt the first time this has happened to me...

Start of the year...1st jan 2008, i had a dream. In my dream, Death came to me...or in more accurate terms...the messenger of death..."Yamraaj". this sounds really stupid...it did to me aswell at that moment. He told me its my Grandma's time. I asked him when...he replied..."2008"....i asked him "how will she go?"....to which he replied "when the time comes...you shall see"...after which i saw my family members clearing out my grandma's room. I woke up laughing at this dream! Because my grandma was one of the healthiest person in the family. At 99, she was fit..independent...and lively.

She fell sick a week later...and passed away a month later.

You still think i am nuts....then read on...

February, 2007, i was at my aunts place. My uncle had been sick for quite some time..he had a heart attack a few years back...liver failure...lung infections...and god knows wat. Doctors had given him a month at max.....he outlived the time limit by a couple of years. But tat weekend...i was at my aunts place, helping my aunt and my sister in law take care of my uncle who's condition had deteriorated all of a sudden. He was bed-ridden...and in a miserable state. I would spend the nights in his room...sleeping by the side of his bed...half asleep...half awake...my ears always attentive to my uncle's voice, in case he wanted something the middle of the night. He was in a bad condition...coughing...breathing hard...weak! One night...as i sat by his side and wrote in my journal...i wrote words which i can never forget. I wrote..."He breathes like his chest is rusted...the weakest i have ever seen him. He seems to be fighting a war....and losing. Like this is his last night...."

He passed away the next morning!

It doesn't stop here. I sleep walked and started talking about bombs and wars...before 9/11 happened! As a kid...I had a reoccurring dream in which my grandma was holding a baby. She was running...climbing coiled stairs...with a Lion chasing her. When she reached the top...she dropped the baby into my hands. I dreamed that over and over again...until one day we got a call that my aunt had given birth to a little baby girl. I didnt even know she was having a baby! And i think her sun sign is Leo aswell!

I know that this sounds stupid...absurd....crazy....a COINCIDENCE! but what can i do! i am no psychic who sees the future...neither am i a tarot reader who makes money outta telling ppl their future! All i am saying is.....THIS IS WAY TOO CREEPY FOR MY LIKING! And im pretty damn sure im not the only one out there to whom this happens to!

Sometimes i wonder if i can see death approaching. An instinct... a sixth sense?.....naaaah! Its all bullshit! But hey....this doesnt mean that i am gonna stop writing....or stop dreaming!

Mistress of Memories

...she drifts through the streets without a sound...while Life and Death play hide'n'seek in the valley of broken dreams. The wind is cold...piercing the skin like needles...but only if she cared. Her eyes are hazy...not in color...but in thought. A gaze that sees beyond time...wandering in the land of memories. She walks eastwards...ever so slowly...

...the gray sky looms above like a somber child. The sound of thunder threatens the heart...but if only she cared. The banks of the river are devoid of civilization...just like the world. As she steps in...the water rushes to eat her flesh...the bitter cold biting at her skin...but only if she cared.

...welcoming the numbness....she steps in further. As the water reaches higher...she stops for a moment...and her gaze returns to this world. She bids farewell to the land of dreams...as a placid smile drifts on her lips....then she takes the final step down...

...and disappears. The water welcomes her as its own ...embracing ...enveloping ...enchanting. The only memory remaining are the dying ripples on the surface...and even they fade away....

Awaiting the storm

He stands on the shore, as the waves crash against the stones. It sounds like thunder…but the sky is clear. The moon is full, but the stars seems scared…they are not twinkling. He has been coming here every night…assessing the battle yet to come. His heartbeat is calm tonight…the cool breeze carries a message for him. As the tide rises to its peak, the water reaches his feet. The sand beneath his feet shifts, to acknowledge the being that stands upon it. He stares out into the sea…into the darkness. Far away, he can see thunder, but not hear it. The approaching storm is still far away.


Its midnight again, eight more to go until it begins
Another season has gone by...many have
And the circle is complete …again
Through the times I have changed, watched myself wax and wane
Gathering sea shells in a bag
Only to throw them back again
But this time it’s different…this time I shall not crumble
As the storm approaches, I sharpen my sword
As I prepare the body to shed blood
I prepare my mind to brace pain
Oh lord, be my guide… as I wait for the rising tide
On this full moon night…I prepare to set sail
I long to meet the stranger…the wind whispers his name
It tells me stories...of courage, bravery and fame
When we meet, the sea shall mix with blood and tears…yours and mine
But I shall not back down, for I leave my fear behind

If the sight of flowing blood scares you my friend,
Then let us meet where the water is black

Listen to the rain

This is one of my favorite songs....from my favorite female artist...Amy Lee of Evanescence. I love listening to this song...with the lights off...while rain hits my window. It's just too beautiful a song...so go ahead...and listen...

Listen listen
Listen listen
Listen listen
Listen listen
Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen listen

Listen to each drop of rain (listen listen)
Aaah
Whispering secrets in vain (listen listen)
Aaah
Frantically searching for someone to hear
Their story before they hit ground
Please don't let go
Can't we stay for a while?
It's just to hard to say goodbye
Listen to the rain

Aa...ah
Listen listen listen listen listen listen to the rain
Weeping
Oo...ooh oooh ooh oo...ooh
Oo...ooh oooh oh oh

Listen (listen) listen (listen)
Listen (listen) listen

I stand alone in the storm (listen listen)
Suddenly sweet words take hold
(Listen listen)
Hurry they say for you haven't much time
Open your eyes to the love around you
You may feel you're alone
But I'm here still with you
You can do what you dream
Just remember to listen to the rain

oo...ooh oh oh oh oh
ooh ooh oh oh oooh
Listen

Reason of the mind

We all have our morals and ethics. We chose to abide by our own laws so that we may appear to be a good citizen...a good human being. But every now and then...we come across a situation where we have to chose to stand by our morals....or compromise.

It was a hot summer day...as normal as any other. I was walking around with my dad, returning from a day of checkups at the hospital. My dad has a bad knee...and it was giving him some trouble. Yet, we walked around laboriously the whole summer afternoon, shifting from one clinic to another. But as for me...i was lost in my own thoughts. My studies were not going great. 2nd year of university and i was as miserable as ever in my education! It bothered me...more so on that day then ever. As i followed my dad blindly through the streets...my mind preoccupied....cursing myself on my poor performance...trying to figure out where i went wrong from being a genius in school to digging a grave for myself in college. As these thoughts ran around in my head, i came face to face with one of the most challenging moments in my life.

I suggested to my dad that we should hire a rickshaw and make our way home now since his knee was causing him severe pain...to the point where he was limping. As I looked around, i saw two rickshaw pullers near by...one was an old man...roughly the age of my grandfather...and the other...a kid...maybe 13 years old!...and it was then that i realized i had to make a choice. I have a soft spot for the elderly...maybe because i love and have been loved by my grandparents...or more so because i respect a person who endured the test of life. Every now and then when i see the elderly in such situations, my heart always collapses. I get this overwhelming feeling of sympathy that this person should be resting peacefully at home...with his children taking care of him as he lives out his old age in peace....like my grandfather was doing at that time. Such an old person should not be on the streets toiling for food.

So there they were...in front of me. My father who was in pain....an elderly whom i would rather carry on my shoulders than to be pulled around by....and a kid who should be in school...surrounded by books and friends. He should be laughing and giggling...running around free...not toiling for a future. I had to choose! As selfish as it may seem....without hesitation, i chose to ride on the rickshaw being pulled by the kid. As i sat there, thoughts about "child labor"..."innocence lost"...."right to education"....kept on flashing through my head, like messages in an awareness commercial. Suddenly this simple ride home was becoming an psychological war.

As i sat there...behind the kid pedaling with all his might...my mind was a wreck. Did i do what was necessary or should i have done the right thing by choosing not to be pulled by any of these rickshaws....which meant making my dad stand in pain longer. Should i have chosen my morals over my father? Was this even worth thinking over? I tried desperately to calm myself...thinking of excuses as to why this situation was justifiable..."i am paying him..he gets money"..."if he doesn't do it..who will?"..."it would have been injustice to the old man if i hadn't taken the kid" ...but as hard as i tried, the excuses did not suffice. For that moment...i was lost.

After the brief period of restlessness, i sat there in complete silence...observing the kid maneuver the rickshaw through the busy streets. I looked at my dad, he was in his own world through all of this...his eyes squinting every time pain shot down his leg. I felt odd...selfish....i had succumb. But where was i wrong?...what else could have i done? Someone had to take the burden of this simpe choice...and i had chosen the kid. I imagined myself...standing on the street looking at myself ride past in a rickshaw being pulled by a little child. I had nothing but shame for myself.

Like a coward, i took refuge where every other human being does....in God. I said to myself, "This is what God must have in plan for me. My purpose. Or maybe its my good karma acting up. Every one is living according to their own karma. This kid, the old man, my father....me....all reaping what we sow. But i haven't sown anything..so why am i sitting here being able to judge this? Did i do some humanitarian project while in my mothers' womb...for which i am enjoying this lavish life?" With every answer i tried to give myself...it felt like i had put myself on trail...and there i was...screaming at myself.."Guilty! Guilty! Guilty"....... so i closed my eyes...and hid.

...and then my mind said to me... "Maybe it's not karma for what they have done...maybe it's karma for what will be. They are not all reaping Akash... maybe some are sowing. Every soul is fighting its own battle here. Some against physical pain...some against tragedy of loss...some against time itself. So don't insult them by having pity on them, instead take solace in the fact that in your education, you have a battle to fight aswell. So fight to win...not to lose"

Its funny how one's mind comes up with reason to calm the heart in moments of madness...like a mother comforting her child...sometimes with the truth....sometimes with sugar coated lies. As for me, i had returned to peace. I opened my eyes...and everything seemed...normal. The tigers seemed to have returned to thier cages. As i looked around, every person had become a soldier. Finally...i felt at peace. Peacefull...but strangely numb. It felt like I had abandonded something...traded moral for reason. At that moment....some part of me died.

But life had suddenly become clearer...like i had come out of the forest...found the path again. At that moment...some part of me woke up.

For the kin

Some mistakes were mine...some were yours. I didn't choose to be away...i thought you understood..but I guess it was me who didn't. I doubt you will ever read this...


Oh brother, tell me what have I done wrong
What is the cause of this coldness...
The reason behind this bitterness...
We were one, we were united...in blood and pain
In loss and gain...in the sun and the rain
You were my idol...my hero, I was your kin
Nothing would break us apart...we had promised

So where did i drift off as time passed?
Or was i still while everyone else floated away?
I didn't even know...until i called out your name
You weren't there, but everything still seemed the same
Did we walk too far down our own separate ways?
Or did we just grow too old to be children again?
I was there in your moment of sadness...you in mine
Separated by these roads...now we search for time
But I believed that we would forever remain the same
How childish of me...how naive...mundane.

Oh brother tell me now...what is my Achilles heel?
Oh brother tell me now...what is my sin?
Tell me now...will you ever forgive?
...or will you forever forget?