I search, though in vain for the place where I will surrender. Where the existence of my self shall be visible to me through the colored glass of life. Such a place of hope and freedom, is not of pieces of string strung in enchanting hymns, of blinding lights or of waves that wash away the fears. It is of a moment which transcends love, joy, pain and life itself. It is in between the darkness and the light which I only feel like the blind man feels the sunlight. Moments of surrender born out of freedom and into life as I have come to see. I search for them till the endless chime of the clock, for I have tried in my ways to be free.