I realize that like many other people in this godforsaken world, I too enjoy the chase more than the prize. Atleast with the chase there is progression and change. With victory... there is stillness.

It hard to subdue the feeling of discomfort when you begin to outgrow your conquest. When holding on become harder than the achievement itself. The constant question we keep asking ourselves "now what?"... like a blunt knife cutting through the skin...relentless.

Over the last couple of months, I've come to explore parts of myself which I had assumed to be secure, only to discover their immaturity. Learning is the progression of gain and loss.

As we Gain, we ask ourselves "what next?".
As we lose, we ask ourselves "What now?".

Over the course of the next few months, life will change as I know it. Not that it never did before, but this time it's going to be differnt. This time there will be struggle like never before... Victory like never before.

Thunderdance

When the thunder came crashing in,
Oh when the thunder came crashing in
Crashing in... Oh crashing in,
Crushing and screeching
Scattering and shattering,
When the thunder came crashing
Crashing in...
Oh crashing in...
Tumbling and crumbling...
Moving and stumbling...
Shaking and rattling...
Slipping and crashing...

When the thunder came crashing...
Oh when the thunder came crashing in...
Crashing in...
Crashing in...
Oh crashing in...
In the silence I sat.

Where art thou?

Hide and seek is all you played
When the gray clouds roamed my midnight sky
There was lightning all around
But you were no where in sight
Why the absence?
Why the games?
I heard your whisper from far away
As i felt you all around
The lightning pale without you
And the storm incomplete
Like a song without its words.

Cloud dust

We are nothing but dust fallen from the skies
Where the rain dances and the thunder sings
In the vicinity of dark clouds
Where there is no love and no hate
Just the wind blowing aimlessly
As the lightning leads the procession
In the darkest of our nights
We sit and listen to them dancing above
To music we've heard since the beginning
Playing till forever

We are nothing but dust
Falling to the rhythm
Of an unsung song.

Songs of Thunder - I

I don't know
What to make of these songs
That you sing in the dark
Loud noises and words
I don't understand
A language unheard of before
Or heard but never understood
Tell me at least
For who are these songs for
You sing and sing
Without any meaning

I don't know
What to make of your songs of thunder
But when you sing...
Everything listens.

Love Nights

Some nights are long
Drowned in the darkness and the rain
Nothing but the sound of water hitting the tin roof
Or thunder singing to the clouds
Even though the world comes to a standstill
The water moves through the streets quietly
You gaze out the window with the lights turned off
Naked in the sheets with your lover
Silent...
Dreamy...
Exhausted...
Wishing the night never ends.

Only if you could see yourself through my eyes would you see colors which you never thought existed. I wonder if the diamond knows how it sparkles in the sunlight.

Now that I look back, I realize how wrong I was to have judged you upon what I saw... or on what I did not see. But what could have I done... you only shone ever so dim... and said that the flame inside only burnt this bright. How was I to know that it would take the darkest black of the coldest night to turn flame into a fire.

I don't know whether to hate you for hiding or love you for revealing.

Alas, what can i do if the flower chooses to bloom when its dark.

Cloudy days

Lying beneath what seems to be the sky
Watching our thought turn into clouds
Twenty some years gone
Nothing more to show than our words
What to make of these things we call our own
The people that came and have gone
Growing old and frail
Gathered a little wisdom for smiles
We have come so far from home
Drifting like the clouds on a rainy day
The rain will fall to the ground
Someday we will understand
Someday we will disappear
And maybe the sun will shine then.

Echoes

Gone are the days when we were free
Tonight we are hopeless slaves to our desires and fears
When the world was sleeping away
We were singing in the darkness
Wishing it would all come to an end
One day, we would be free again

Don't be angry for loving
It's what makes us who we are
Even if its the end of the world
When the dreams come crashing down
We hold on to threads of hope
One day, we would float away

Don't forget what we have done
All of it stands before us today
The streets are empty but you can still hear
Sounds of hope and love echoing
The things we despise, but still believe
One day, we would believe again.

Wanderer

I wandered across the seas
Oh I wandered across these seas
As the water opened up and
swallowed me beneath
Oh I still wandered across the seas
For all the things that I had seen

The sun dropped far below
In the waters as they glowed
I still wandered in the dark
Circled by the sharks
As the water went from still
To the raging storms within
I still wandered across the seas
For all the things that I had seen

In the moments of my end
I touched the waves with my hand
And felt the ocean below
where forever i shall flow
Into the current beneath the
Surface of this beast
After my last breath
Had bid me adieu
I wandered in this sea
As it became a part of me
I still wandered across this sea
For there was so much left to see.

Runway Girl

You've got the blush baby
I've got the brush
Take off the dress and change the voice
Screw the heels
No one cares if you smell nice
Drop the face and leave the smile
No one cares if you're alive
When the money goes bang! bang! bang!

Walking down the middle of the highway
She is the new world girl
Looking like a Japanese doll
Too young to die
Too old to fade away
A 'one hit' wonder
She's got nothing more to give
Runway girl, baby's gotta live

I'm not gonna show you the way
I'm not gonna tell you what to do
You can kick the bucket or
Beat it all out and leave it
Take a match and burn it all down
Then dance around the fire till dawn
Runway girl, your 18 baby
What more could you want?

Runaway Boys

Absolve me
Come on baby, drench me and cleanse me
I don't really care no more
If the fire burns or if it just glows
Something's gonna give

Got my bags packed
I'm all set to go
Come on baby, lets go hunting for gold
It don't really matter
Who's listening, who's not

I've got a fire in my belly
Can't you see the glow
Feel the sparks
Something's building up baby
This shit's ready to blow

I've gotta run
Gonna burn some air as I go
Can't hold us back now
Come on baby, drench me and cleanse me
Come one baby, absolve me
I've got so far to go...

Sands

To lay your hand upon the chest that breathes its last
Like a drop of rain upon barren lands
Feel the world disappear to be forever gone
As something gives away beneath the sands

We come to the sea with the setting sun
Its here that the world comes to a stand still
As all the memories sleep peacefully in the dark
As the sand shifts beneath our feet with the waves

Place your hand in the waves and feel the touch
Of a being not held back by love
What have we become to this world that we cannot see
All the life in a single grain of sand

Freedom

Oh freedom, what did you do?
Took my love and turned it blind
The best that i could do
Was run after you
Oh freedom, what have you done?
One moment it was here
The next it was gone
Gone somewhere but here
Oh freedom, what will you do?
For the one that is gone
With the wind
Leaving me alone.

Oh freedom, we are but pieces
Of a chessboard
What will a knight do without his king
A king without his queen?

Capture

We ran... we ran hand in hand
In the pouring rain
As the drops came thundering down
We knew what we had found
A moment of peace
A fleeting instance of serenity
In a kiss
In a touch
In a breath of our own
In the eyes of a lover
With the feeling of freedom
We ran...

My child, let sit and talk for a while
About the dreams that you have
Some that you've lived and the others that you killed
In the face of this dream called life

When it's time to sleep place your head upon my hand
And tell me of the dreams you want to have
As I watch the sandman come to you
I sit wonder and what it is to dream.

Edge of the world

As I sat and wondered with no place to hide
You took my hand and said
"Let us run to the end"
How foolish of us to be there
Running with the wind
As we fell off over the edge of the world
Falling and tumbling down into space
Towards the sun...
... whistling.

You

You are, everything I wanted
The stars, hanging in the sky
As the water came tumbling down
Over the mountain side
And I stood beneath the waves
Oh why...
I stood wishing you were here

You saw, all my pieces broken
In this darkness I could never
Put them back into place
Pieces scattered all over
I asked you the reasons
Oh why...
Some of the things I can never replace

All I've ever known
Could never shine
As brightly as you had shone
On the summer night
When you told me I was wrong
Oh why...
Could never return the moments gone.

Moonless night

I was sleeping and dreaming of the moon
It was dark, but I was with you
You looked up and reached out to the sky
With you fingers stretched out
Held the glistening moon in your hand
Looked at me and said "Its just a rock"

All the beauty of the world
Came tumbling down with the stars
The moon came crashing down in our laps
We sat there and watched the sky go dark
"Its just a rock" you had said
"A rock... with lots of scars"

Rivers deep with memories flow through the air
These waters are so dangerous for us
White light shimmers into my eyes
As time ebbs and flows
The decisions we come to make
Will never let us be the same again

We wonder why some things matter more than others
But these are just rain drops
Not some holy water
But to me, its all the same.